I used to love Christmas.
As soon as the Thanksgiving plates were cleared, I was in full Christmas
mode. Queuing up the Christmas music, playing carols on the piano. The hustle and the bustle of the stores, the beautiful
lights. The cold, crisp air. Oh, the magic of it all!
Then I got married and had kids.
It seemed as every year went by, the stress of the holiday
season became greater and greater. It
started as soon as Ken and I got married.
Trying to juggle each other’s family traditions and finding time for
them all proved quite complicated. Every
year involved a huge discussion deciding just how our time would be split up
between our families. And it didn’t just
affect our own families—the domino effect of all the extended family involved
made scheduling the holidays a near impossibility. Tensions would rise on every side. I would inevitably end up having a huge
meltdown. Usually on the way over to
whoever won the coin toss that year.
Three years into our marriage Ken exclaimed, “It’s not Christmas unless
Jen is crying!” (Nice.) (But also true.)
When the kids came along, I was spending Christmas Eve
driving all over Northern Illinois, kids (and all their stuff) in tow. I spent all day (and night) making sure the
kids were not breaking anything, were behaving, not eating all the
cookies. At two a.m., when the last
present was opened (yes, one at a time!), I was a hot mess. My husband was a hot mess. The kids were a hot mess. This sucked.
Then when we arrived home, I would set out a mountain of
toys out from Santa, and Ken would spend an eternity putting together all the
last minute big-ticket items. (Think
play kitchens, tricycles, wagons, Scooby-Doo Mansions.) I would help (usually by falling asleep on
the couch). Finally off to bed by five,
the kids would awake two hours later, eager to see the fruits of Santa’s
visit. I loved to see them so excited,
don’t get me wrong. But ten minutes in,
even they didn’t want to open up any
more presents. And I would be looking at
the clock, rushing them along. After
all, whatever family lost the coin toss yesterday was coming over today. I would have a dinner to prepare, with all
the trimmings. All the gifts from
yesterday and from Santa needed to be put away.
(Because my house would NOT be a mess!!) A new set of holiday dresses,
and yes, more presents.
I began to loathe Christmas.
I would see the decorations in the store after Halloween (really, isn’t
that a little early?) and a feeling of dread would come over me. Immediately the lists would start forming in
my head—pictures need to be taken of the girls for Christmas cards, teachers’
gifts, family lists, what to get my mom, all the holiday parties, menus, cookies…
Everything that I had loved about Christmas was gone, and all that remained was
panic.
Last year, I had enough.
After a rough year of job changes and long hours, I was mentally
incapable of dealing with the holiday drama.
If it were not for my kids, I would not have even put up the tree. I told Ken, we will go to one house on
Christmas Eve. We will have the other
set of grandparents for an uncomplicated meal late on Christmas Day. No one else.
With no huge obligations to speak of on Christmas Day, we stayed in our
pajamas until noon. We hung out! We relaxed!
The kids actually played with the toys they received! I think I might be on to something here…
This year I am taking it further. I’m on a quest to reclaim Christmas! Those moments of magic were getting buried
under all the, well, crap. Too many
presents. Too much trying to jam it all
in and missing everything that’s important about Christmas. I know I can’t change all of it. But I can make it better. I can stop buying my kids piles of presents,
and just get a few, meaningful ones. I
can stop trying to do everything, and just do a few things….really well. I can pause and make sure we are spending
time together as a family, whether it’s enjoying a meal together or doing a
craft with the kids. I can take a deep
breath and look around and enjoy it all. I’m going to get that magic back!
So join me this holiday season as I explore simple ways to
put the meaning back into Christmas.
We’ll do some crafts, we’ll make some homemade gifts, we’ll save some
money, and we will certainly have some delicious food. Hopefully by the end, the merry will be back
in Christmas, and the bah humbug out!